As a Mommy,  As a Mrs.

Forty and Fatherhood

In celebration of today being my husband’s 40th birthday AND Father’s Day, I felt it only right to hand over the computer to him for a guest author blog post.  Enjoy his personal insight in turning 40 and being a father.

Hi there, TherapeuticMiles Husband here. I’ve never written a blog post, but I decided to take my wife’s offer and take a stab at it.

Remember being a teenager and wanting to grow up? I couldn’t wait for adulthood! No more exams, research papers or applications to ____ institution of higher education. Like me, you probably thought it was so cool to have a car and to be able to buy whatever you wanted without parental oversight. At that age, I thought 40 was old. Old as in seasoned adult, over-the-hill, start-planning-retirement old. Today, on June 18, 2017, I am 40 years old. Contrary my former perspective on the milestone, I feel like I’m at the peak of my powers, so to speak. I’m stronger (from a long distance running standpoint), and wiser (way more mature and definitely more knowledgeable) than my younger versions. While I don’t feel old, I do feel that this age is a halftime marker (I love using sports metaphors). In this post, I’ll reflect on what how it feels to be 40 and what lessons I’ve learned that will prepare me for the next 40 years.

Lesson one: Don’t live in the past. It’s easier said than done. I’m an overly analytical person and with that mentality, it’s easy to live with regrets. What if I had opened this door instead of that one? Did i make the right decision to get married at age 37? Did we make the right choice on our house (“Mortgage is too damn high!”- Jimmy McMillan voice)? These questions and others only serve to distract you from the very real present which deserves my full committment and attention.

Lesson two: Your legacy is taking shape. Whether we acknowlege it our not, we will be outlived by the memories we leave behind. The lives we impact, the books we’ve written, our career accomplishments all help to shape this thing called legacy. As I take stock of life at 40, I’m certainly more conscious of my mortality. There’s only so much time left. Us Christians take comfort in the life that awaits in the great beyond, but most of us are not in any great hurry to leave. Thoughts of life after death prompt another important question: How do I want to be remembered? Hopefully I’ll be remembered as a giver, a good friend and a kindhearted individual. While not a man of great means, I subscribe to the stewardship metaphor when it comes to the possessions we accumulate. We have been dealt a certain hand and fortune has favored some more than others. Those of us who are blessed are put in positions to  provide help for our fellow humans who are in need. For a relatively short while, we are only we managing our gains/accumulations/talents.

Lesson three: Family first. One of the best decisions I’ve ever made was to made was to marry Carolyn. Like many men, I battled with relationship anxiety (aka committment-phobia). Relationships were expendable. Time was on my side. Live for today! Until I met Carolyn. Ours was an unconventional courtship which led us to where we are today: happily married with two dogs, an energetic toddler and a second little one on the way. Life has boiled down to this simple truth: my most important role is that of husband and father. My most meaningful legacies will be the children I am blessed to raise with Carolyn.
Today is also Father’s Day. Being a father is definitely a labor of love.  For those who are experienced dads with adult children, I salute you for making it through. My admiration of my own father has only deepened after experiencing all that this role entails. Dad, I love you.

For those who are about to embark on the journey or just starting out, keep in mind that despite all the sacrifices you will make (sleep, social time, money etc.), it is very gratifying in the end.  And remember that poop happens, get used to it.

As long as I keep these lessons in mind, the next 40 years should go smoothly. Time may no longer be on my side and it does seem to move a bit faster as one ages. Consciousness of the ephemeral nature of our earthly existence further reinforces the importance of living well the moments we have left.

P.S. Shout-out to my friend Ravi for the custom bday shirt.
Lesson Four: When you start losing tone and gaining the dad-bod from lack of time to work out… just wear tighter shirts.

–TM Husband

2,320 Comments

  • Everton Bailey

    Thoughtful, witty, and well-written, Kev. You exemplify so many exceptional qualities (kindness, compassion, humility, intelligence, etc.) which any parent would be proud of.
    I am very proud of you and your family. Happy birthday and happy Father’s day and may God continue to bless and prosper you.

    Love,
    Uncle Everton

  • Theresa (Terry) DeGiulio

    HaPpY 40th Birthday Kevin!!! May GOD continue to bless you with 40 + more… your post is beautiful and you should continue to write… you are an amazing writer! You’ve got, “IT.” Live life to the best of your ability, help others as you can and make memories, sweet memories, to cherish your life time. Your family and friends are blessed to have you in their lives as well!! Happy Father’s Day!!!

  • Anonymous

    Good reading for the soul, reflecting on life maturity,family and balance. Happy Birthday and Happy Father’s day. Wishing you and Carolyn many more blessings. EGS

  • Kenisha

    Happy birthday cuzzo enjoy this your special day.. God blessings on you always…Happy Father’s day have a fantastic day…nuff Love cuzzo

  • Anonymous

    Happy birthday cuzzo enjoy this your special day.. God blessings on you always…Happy Father’s day have a fantastic day…nuff Love cuzzo

    • Kenisha

      Happy birthday cuzzo enjoy this your special day.. God blessings on you always…Happy Father’s day have a fantastic day…nuff Love cuzzo

  • Jermaine Scott

    Happy Birthday and Happy Father’s Day Kevin. Being in my 40’s I can totally relate to your life lessons. We should start an over forties Mens club. Our history goes way back and to say I am proud of you and your accomplishments is an understatement. Let’s continue to encourage and motivate each other. Legacy is important to me too but at the end of the day all that matters to me is if my name is written in the Lambs Book of Life. Continue be a Man of honor and blaze a path we mere mortals can emulate?.God bless my brother and I wish you long life and God’s richest blessings.

  • Mikka

    Beautifully written. Welcome to the forties. Being 45 1/2 I can say it is an interesting journey but one I am happy to be on. Enjoy every minute of your beautiful wife and children because soon you will blink and the kids will be grown and Carolyn will still be beautiful. Happy birthday.

    • Anonymous

      Son, this is an awesome reflection on your journey. Always knew you were an awesome writer who never cease to baffle your teachers. Thanks for God’s amazing Grace in allowing you to see this major milestone. Continue to trust Him for His guidance and protection. May His blessings continue to surround you and your beautiful family.
      Happy birthday and happy Father’s Day.
      Much love ❤️
      Mom & Dad.

  • Dayra

    Happy 40th and Happy Father’sDay. Thank you for the insight on turning 40…I’m heading down that path Myself. I believe you are all very lucky to have formed a family together and I can’t wait to meet Carolyn in person. From what I know about you…I can only imagine what a great and amazing wife, mother and friend she is. Now that I have my own daughter and am getting wiser and more beautiful..?(My gray hair is my favorite beauty mark) I can say that the best birthday gifts are the intangible ones…hugs…words…love. I wish you the best day ever. (Air hug)
    Also note that you are also an inspiration and a great mentor!